Price rise has become
everyday news; fighting for news space alongside the rampage by the hoodlums,
ruckus of the politicians and the romps of the entertainers. However, unlike
the other news, the price news looks quite underplayed, e.g. the food inflation
indicator is just hovering around the 8% while the hole in the common man’s
purse shouts a different reality!
Starting from milk to
staple food, everything only seems to have gone a little more farther than the
reach of the common man than before. It’s as if the phenomenon of the expanding
universe is manifesting on surface of the earth too! It’s the same with the
cars and worse with residential houses!
Perhaps the only
thing that’s going down is the worth of human life! With an estimated 100,000
abortions happening every day in the developing countries and the charts surely
soaring northwards, human life in its basic form itself is dirt cheap! Not just
the abortions, but the gamut of what is happening around us resound this truth
ever so clearly!
It was in the middle
of discussing these conflicting idiosyncrasies that I was introduced to Sakshi.
Sakshi was pursuing post graduation when I met her. She looked quite okay to me
until we started talking. Sometimes, what is seen and what is; are so totally
different!
Sakshi: Hi! Let me come
straight to the point.
Me: Indeed. (My frame
of mind was definitely not ready for riddles!) Tell me all that you can.
Sakshi: I am in this
relationship. It’s been four months but I want to get out of it.
Me: Just four months! (The
time factor in itself didn’t look very threatening so as to make my help for
her a daunting task! But what did I know!)
Sakshi: Actually, he lost his
mother a few months back and I started talking to him being sympathetic
regarding this loss. There was nothing more to it than that!
Me: Hmmm (Nothing more
was needed!)
Sakshi: However, at that
time, I myself was coming out of a relationship! He stood by me, understood me
and helped me out of becoming a mess. But finally now I am in a mess with him!
It is such a funny situation. I feel so miserable.
Me: You were already in a
relationship when you met this guy?
Sakshi: I was already in a
relationship when I met the other guy too.
Me: Wait! Wait! I am
getting confused. Is the current boyfriend your third one?
Sakshi: No! Actually he is
the fifth or the sixth one. Actually I don’t remember!
Me: So you have been
jumping in and out of relationships! Since how long is this happening?
Sakshi: Since I came to this
city from my hometown for my graduation. So it’s like over three years now.
Actually I lost my father before I came here. Now, even when he was alive, he never
cared. All my memories of him are of his being drunk and beating us up. My
brother fended for himself but I was ignored and shattered. When I came into
this big city, I saw so much freedom, so much fun in the friends, I started
looking out for and hooking out with guys I could depend on, people who would
love me and take care of me!
Me: So didn’t these guys
take care of you?
Sakshi: Well they always
start off taking a lot of care but I don’t know what happens to them! Something
takes over them and after a while it’s too much of unwanted care. I start
freaking!
Me: So you jump into
another relationship thinking that it would be better!
Sakshi: Our friend circle was
like that. Everyone was supposed to have a partner. That was how I perceived a
modern day youth in a big city – hep, booked and hooked!
Me: So what made you dump
your previous boyfriend?
Sakshi: He dumped me! He used
to be so possessive that at the end of the day I used to feel exploited and
harassed! He stayed in another city and so one day I went all the way, about a
day’s travel, to let him know that I was serious about him! But strangely, he
just didn’t care! By the time I had met him, I felt he had moved on! I was
shattered. After going through so much for someone and doing so much, you are
just walked over! It can be so heart breaking! I was already so low on
self-esteem, he just trampled over me!
Me: That’s when you met
your current friend!
Sakshi: Yeah! And like I
always did, I latched on to him too! I feel so pathetic.
Me: Were you intimately
involved with this previous friend?
Sakshi: Yeah! He was kind of
my first true love!
Me: Love! Sometimes we
all can have so very different definitions of love! So does your current friend
know about you intimate involvement with your previous friend!
Sakshi: Yes! As he was trying
to help me, I divulged it to him! So he knows about it!
Me: Let me guess; now you
are as intimately or even more involved with this guy than you were with the
previous guy, even though the time frame is much lesser.
Sakshi: Yeah, that’s right!
Me: That’s how it
typically unwraps, both for the people in your place and for the one who comes
in to help! You would have picked up from where you had left off in the earlier
relationship. For the one who comes in to help, the temptation to stretch their
limits with you would be very strong and in most cases, they budge and then the
rest is history because people in your situation aren’t too much of a
resistance!
Sakshi: I feel like such a
sicko! I mean we had only known each other for little over a month and we were
into it lock, stock and barrel. I just can’t believe I did it.
Me: What about the care
you were looking out for!
Sakshi: Thankfully on that
front he has not changed. He still cares for me very much! I like talking to
him. But he never seems to get enough of the games and I am already tired of
him!
Me: For how long have you
been struggling with these conflicting thoughts?
Sakshi: Three months!
Actually, I don’t love him. My response is more out of gratitude! He helped me
so much that I just can’t refuse to oblige with whatever he asks from me!
Me: But you definitely
can’t continue like this. You will have to take a call and move on.
Sakshi: But I simply am not
able to walk out of the relationship because of the fear that I can’t face life
alone. I need the help and support of someone like him!
Me: See Sakshi, intimate
relationships are not simple as they look on the outside. They create ties
inside of us with the other person that a whole life time will not rub off. You
are a part of him and he is a part of you because of the relationship that you
have shared. And that holds true for every intimate relationship that we become
a part of! So it’s not easy to break off! But then your advantage is the time
factor. Four months is not a frightening time frame! Despite your involvement,
you might still be able to break it off today more easily than a few months
from now. So if you want to walk off from this, you should do it now rather
than later.
Sakshi: But I am so scared. I
need emotional support. I don’t get it from home and I don’t get it from
anywhere. How will I survive?
Me: (By this time I was
sure there was more to the story than what seemed) If a four month relationship
is made to look so difficult to get out of especially when you are fully aware
that it has no future, I am sure you are hiding something from me! Are you
pregnant?
Sakshi: No there is nothing
like that!
Me: Ok, I take your word
but remember that I can’t help you if you hide facts from me. We talked for
some more time and I gave her a few tips and asked her to come back to me when
she had made up her mind about her relationship! A few days passed and she came
to meet me again.
Me: So have you decided
what you want to do about your relationship?
Sakshi: Actually I need your
help. I am not able to decide. Will you help me decide? I feel very guilty and
sad! I have become very irritable. I can’t eat, sleep or concentrate.
Me: Why guilty and sad?
What happened? Were you pregnant?
Sakshi: (Silence)
Me: Did you do any
procedure to end the pregnancy?
Sakshi: (Silence)
Me: Oh Sakshi! Did I not
ask this question to you earlier!
Sakshi: Please understand
that it was not easy for me to answer it! But I feel so guilty and depressed
after I went through it. I was scared! I didn’t know how I would face my folks
when they come to know about it! I had to end it. I was already into the 14th week. I had to decide
fast.
Me: Oh dear! (I was
looking at a young girl who had between two of our meetings consented to the
murder of an innocent child that was growing inside the sanctity and protection
of her womb; supposedly the safest place for a child; although illegitimacy and
stigma were the tags it was already carrying!)
Sakshi: Please help me. I
want to live in dignity. I have messed up royally. But I am sure you can help
me become a better person. I want to make amends. Please help me. Can you please
meet my friend also and talk to him and help me in my decision.
Me: Does he know about
the abortion you underwent?
Sakshi: Yeah! He does. He
didn’t want me to do it. He asked me to get married to him! But when I said no,
he helped arrange the clinic and the doctor. He was there when they took me in
for the procedure. I respect him for all that but then I just can’t imagine a
life with him! My memories with him are now plagued by what happened at the
hospital - the uncomfortable questions, the hostile medics and the procedure
itself! It was horrible. They just vacuumed the fetus out! It was so
disgusting. That which was so beautiful and memorable in our privacy had
resulted in something so ugly and nightmarish! It was so bizarre. Now I feel
that I can’t think of getting intimate with anyone ever again!
Me: I think you should
recognize what is called a post abortion trauma!
Sakshi: Oh no! Not another
trauma! My life itself is a big trauma! Now what’s this!
Me: It’s a trauma linked
with the physical procedure of abortion but there are deeper reasons too. When
an abortion is induced, the fetus is terminated but the body still remains
triggered with the hormones as if the pregnancy is still there. For these
hormones to subside, it would take several months. Perhaps more than for the
normal full term pregnancies!
Sakshi: So what are the
problems in it for me!
Me: The guilt and
depression are already the signs of it. First of all, to avoid complications, I
would recommend you to do a follow up check-up with the doctor very soon!
Sakshi: She did ask me to
visit her after two weeks.
Me: Please do that and
ensure that you have no infections or signs of an incomplete abortion.
Moreover, you will have to drink a lot of fluids and avoid physical exertion
and specially the activity that brought you here in the first place! It will
take a while for you to become as normal as you were before you became
pregnant. The hormones will keep working and behaving as if you are pregnant
while every other part of your body will cry that you are not. It’s a strange
struggle!
Sakshi: I think I can feel
this struggle already! But much more agonizing is the way I feel.
Me: I can understand. On
one hand is the relief that you have just averted a major crisis and on the
other hand is the pain and sadness that you can’t explain. It’s a typical post
abortion situation and it happens to most women. However, the fact that you
have divulged your secret to someone will start helping you. I am glad you
acknowledged it, though late. This in itself will do you a lot of help. I would
also suggest that you even grieve and cry for the lost child if that is what
you feel to do. It’s better to confront it and deal with it fully, rather than boxing
it into some deep crevice in your mind only to trouble you sometime later in
your life!
Sakshi: But the words that
keep ringing in my mind are “murderer”, “killer”!
Me: I will not make it
easy for you by saying that it doesn’t account to murder! I am sorry but what
happened is the murder of an innocent being that was at our mercy. It didn’t
have a name and so you won’t feel for it, but 18 days into conception it had a
heart, and 21st
day onwards
it had a heartbeat too! A 14 week fetus is definitely a human being with human rights!
Sakshi: I am not able to
forgive myself!
Me: We pass on a very
detrimental message to the society and to our progeny when we start favoring
abortion. Mother Teresa once said, "If we accept that a mother can kill
her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill each other? Any country
that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love, but to use violence
to get what they want." Isn’t the logical result of the desire for
"abortion-on-demand" - infanticide and euthanasia -- killing a
newborn if it possesses physical or mental anomalies, and killing those for
whom the living find it inconvenient to care. When human life is cheapened to
the point that even the womb, a symbol of tranquility and peace, becomes a
place of death; even the already-born will begin to respect each others' lives
a little less!
Sakshi: Will I ever be able
to come out of self condemnation?
Me: Yes definitely. If
you repent in your heart and confess with your mouth your shortcomings,
drawbacks, trespasses and sins, God is faithful to not just forgive you of all that
you have ever done but also receive you into his family.
Sakshi: You mean to say that
there is a message of hope for people like me? I thought no door could ever
open up for wretches like me!
Sakshi has started a
journey on the road to recovery. Firstly, I needed to work on her self esteem
so that she wouldn’t fall into the trap of making someone a crutch. She
understands the downside of it now and is discovering a side of herself that
she never knew existed and is beginning to be more confident about herself.
As for the guilt and
the depression, some of it would always remain and let it, so that she doesn’t
ever repeat her mistakes. However, with time and proper support, a majority of
this burden would weaken in its sting! In this recovery process, she would need
to forgive her friend and any others that she held responsible for her
situation so as to rid her off all resentment and bitterness. She would need
acceptance instead of condemnation, at least from a group of people she cared
for. In the process if she got opportunities to help young girls struggling in
situations similar to hers, her healing would happen much faster.
Though the Bible
doesn’t specifically use the word abortion, we can deduce a clear biblical stand
against abortion. We know of several instances where stories of individuals
begin even while they were in their mother’s womb e.g. Jacob and Esau, John the
Baptist etc. Jeremiah and Samson were called for their roles even when they
were in the womb. There was a law of “life for life” if someone hurt a pregnant
woman and if the child died. So the Biblical stand cannot be misinterpreted,
though people play around the words and the interpretations to project a
different view. God is the author and finisher of life and it should remain
that way. Though we like to play God, history is witness that we always mess
up.
For young girls who
are reading this and undergoing a similar situation right now or have undergone
it in the past, you can get out of the rut and live a life of dignity. The
aborted foetus has reached where we all are striving to reach. There is an
eternity available to catch up with it. Stand up and get it from the Lord. Let
no one, let nothing stop you. God bless.
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